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1. Forget kissing, HUGGING is how a REAL man expresses love

2. Remember. There’s NEVER time to call an ambulance, so ALWAYS piggyback a sick person to the hospital

3. GUYS! You must give her a drunken piggy back ride at least once in your relationship

4. It’s absolutely NOT a red flag if your guy falls in love with your male alterego

5. If you’re trying to keep your relationship a secret, elevators are the ONLY place for making out

6. Physically abuse is the fastest way to his heart

7. Rich guys ONLY date poor girls

8. She’s not worth it until 5 minutes before take off

9. Traffic laws are for SUCKERS!

10. When you finally do kiss, it should take AT LEAST 20 minutes before your lips touch

11. Save your most important thinking for the shower…just trust us.

12. ANY reason’s a good reason to go to the hospital

13. It’s totally NOT a violation to kiss her when she’s unconscious or sleeping

14. Let her see what your working with

15. Find her worst features, and then use them make up a mean nickname

16. Age is just a number

17. Wrist grabbing is the ULTIMATE sign of affection

18. Ramen should be eaten for at least 2 out of 3 daily meals

19. Nice guys always…ALWAYS finish last

20. In a fight, spoons make a better weapon than knives

21. The foundation of any good relationship is HATRED

22. No need to question your life choices when you wake up in stranger’s bed

23. Experience…pfft. Anyone can get ANY job they want

24. Befriend his assistant!! They’ll risk their job to help you get together

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Now, take these lessons, and find good fortune in YOUR lives!